Welcome Retouch. You definitely need to do something about the background. The noise and poor lighting in this snapshot really draws away from the changes you are making. I'm not sure, and this is personal taste, that you really needed to make the cranial adjustment. Seems kinda odd looking since it's the inner forehead area that was pinched inward. The eyes look nice, though moving the right eye up slightly further distances the similarities between the original model, and the one you created. But that all depends on if that was your intention.
I'm new to this stuff to, so if any of my observations are off, I implore any of the more experienced retouchers to point it out.
I did a couple short runs with your original picture, and tried to maintain the original subjects features, since she is a very attractive young lady. Just a victim of a poor photo and lighting.