from a photography point of view it looks like the fill light became the main light. The light on the shoulder gives the feeling that the light is coming from the right of the camera, I would continue that illusion and sculpt the face so that there is more of a direction to the light ... that would mean the the shadow in the nose would be lightened on our right side some, and the highlight on the forehead would be shifted a little, cheeks, around the mouth and jaw sculpted a little. This is a totally subjective interpretation, it is just the look I would want from this, it has an old photo look so I would give it a little bit more of the old photo lighting.
Retouch wise, you have a line from highlight to shadow which traces the mask of the face just a little in from the outside edge of the jaw and chin that needs to be transitioned/blended a little more.
That second shot sure is pretty - way to go!