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Bad Movie Tip-offs

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  #1  
Old 05-01-2002, 11:21 PM
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Doug Nelson Doug Nelson is offline
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Bad Movie Tip-offs

I'll admit it, I'm a movie snob. I can tell a bad movie without even watching it. A few of my favorite tip-offs that a movie is going to be bad are:

1. Stars a model, a wrestler, or anyone playing themself
2. Plot is "a young <blank> must stop a <blank> from destroying <blank>"
3. "Based on a true story"
4. Anything with chyron titles (hey, you're a visual group, you should know these things)
5. Anything released more than a year after completion (esoteric, but the most serious one of this bunch)

So, what are the tip-offs that tell you it's going to be a bad movie?
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Old 05-02-2002, 12:11 AM
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OhThatGirl2001 OhThatGirl2001 is offline
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Signs you've chosen a bad movie...

It seems like a remake of a big hit film from the year before.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is in it --- and it's a comedy.

It stars Moe, Larry, and Curly Joe.

It has a narrator who tells you exactly what you can see with your own eyes.

It's a Quentin Tarantino movie --- and he's the star not the director.

It's set in a strip club, it's got strippers in it, but none of the women get naked.

It's a Dan Aykroyd movie that he not only stars in but also wrote and directed.

It's a shot by shot remake of a classic.

It's a buddy cop movie starring Whoopi Goldberg and a dinosaur.

There's a famous landmark building that blows up. This is generally the highlight of the trailer.

It has talking animals in it and doesn't have the word "Babe" in the title.

It's a big budget update of a bad 70's TV show.

It's based on a Saturday Night Live skit.

It's an American version of a French film.

It has more than three people credited with writing the screenplay.

It's a live action Disney film.

Every action sequence is in slow motion.

It's a high school film that ends at a prom and nobody dies.
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Old 05-02-2002, 12:44 AM
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Excellent

Whoopi made a dinosaur pic?
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Old 05-02-2002, 01:01 AM
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d_kendal d_kendal is offline
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those are great Lisa! and sooo true.
Quote:
So, what are the tip-offs that tell you it's going to be a bad movie?
the title is "Dude, where's my car?" I swear that had to be the WORST movie ever made.

- David
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Old 05-02-2002, 01:07 AM
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OhThatGirl2001 OhThatGirl2001 is offline
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Afraid so... Whoopi after receiving an Oscar for The Color Purple... made a movie called Theodore Rex! It was horrible. I suspect on 1 or 2 people even remember it! LOL
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Old 05-02-2002, 01:19 AM
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G. Couch G. Couch is offline
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This thread is cracking me up! ok, here goes...


A movie is bad if....

It's based on a video game

It involves young Pop music singers "making their big screen debut".

It's advertised as "The feel good hit of the year".

The words "Star Trek" are followed by a large roman numeral.

it was direct to video

the name Tom Green appears anywhere
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Old 05-02-2002, 02:34 AM
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Doug Nelson Doug Nelson is offline
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These are great. You've inspired me to add some more:

Title has a colon or exclamation mark in it

The star is also "executive producer"

More than 6 producers or 4 writers

Directed by and starring the same guy, and its his first movie

Plot synopsis has one too many points (ie: a tour boat is stranded on a desert island and they're attacked by terrorists)

Theatrical release in January

Anyone involved in the production has either been, or been married to, a playmate, porn actor, or rock star

The plot involves a fatal disease that has no symptoms

The previews quote rural newspaper reviews
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Old 05-02-2002, 11:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Doug Nelson

The previews quote rural newspaper reviews

hahahaha...that is so true!
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Old 05-02-2002, 12:05 PM
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I don't remember the name of the movie, but shortly after the opening credits, my husband told me he was going to get a drink. He got up to leave and I said I'd go with him.

As we moved down the aisle, the folks in we were about to trip over also stood and I guess while they were up they also decided to got for drinks. Without saying a word, the whole row got up and left the theatre. I didn't look back, but I'm willing to bet the rest of the theatre followed soon after LOL

Another stinker movie I remember was "Raising Arizona" - I now shy away from any movie where the actors talk real slow (anything with Nicolas Cage) or are overly animated (anything with Jim Carey)

Also, any movie that Gene Shallet likes is bound to be a stinker!

Margaret
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Old 05-02-2002, 03:16 PM
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DJ Dubovsky DJ Dubovsky is offline
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Here's a couple more...

Any movie that spews more blood than the human body actually contains

Any movie where the villian doesn't die no matter how many times they kill him

DJ
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