Chuckle for the day (jokes/humorous tales here please) Part II

[CJ Swartz]

Draw the Dog cartoon - drawn as we watch

Lunch Line

Counter surfer

FURniture

Find YOUR breed page - link

[Kraellin]

nice ones, cj

[CJ Swartz]

"Survivor" - animal style (click link for youtube video)

[CJ Swartz]

If you live with a dog, and you are a member of this forum - you probably are used to seeing this -- Draw the Dog

[CJ Swartz]

Does your dog like to play with creatures other than dogs - like a deer? Maybe, even a dolphin?

Watch these two dogs playing with their unusual friends - here

[CJ Swartz]

Mini-moo: 33-inch English cow world's smallest

LONDON — A minuscule cow with a taste for contemporary music has been named the world's smallest by the Guinness World Records book. She is more of a sheep-sized bovine measuring 33 inches.

The 11-year-old cow is named Swallow and her owner, Caroline Ryder, said she would spend Thursday either grazing with her herd or listening to BBC radio in her cowshed.


Swallow is a Dexter cow, a breed known for its diminutive stature, but is small even by Dexter standards.
She already has nine regular-sized calves and is pregnant with her 10th. Guinness said her youngest calf has already grown larger than she is.
From A.P. --

Guinness World Records 2011 was published Thursday in the U.K.

[Tony W]

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE

1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's and early 70's !

First, we survived being born to mothers who drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for any illness....


Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.


We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.


As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.


We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle...


Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos.


Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!


We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.


We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because.......


WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!


We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.


No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.


We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.


We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY,no video/dvd films,
no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!



We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were noLawsuits from these accidents.



Only girls had pierced ears!



We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.



You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time...



We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,


We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!



RUGBY and CRICKET had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on MERIT



Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and bully's always ruled the playground at school.





The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!



Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla'



We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL !



And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.


And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.





PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age anymore

[Kraellin]

hehehe, this is so true. we ruled the countryside, knew where every barn with a hayloft was, knew where all the berry patches were, sat on a fence high above a passing railroad train and held on tight so we wouldnt 'get sucked in by the vacumn of the passing train', put pennys on the rails to flatten them, swam in old swampy ponds, flooded the back yard with water so it would freeze in the winter so we could skate, literally owned the neighborhood for miles around, knew where all the orchards were and every fruit bearing tree any neighbor had. we'd shoot frogs with bb guns, ride our bikes to school for miles or just plain walk, learned how to swim by dad simply tossing us in and telling us to swim.

television, if you had one, was black and white. going to the movies was a big deal and you didnt talk out loud or an usher would come and escort you out. folks were respectful. you didnt play loud music that would interfere with a neighbor's peace. boom boxes would have been crushed on a bus if they were played out loud. toys were often hand made of wood. tonka toys were still metal and indestructible. appliances lasted nearly a lifetime. houses lasted even longer. cars were built more like tanks than cars and there was no 'big three'. it was more like 'the big twelve or twenty or so'.

there were no aluminum soda cans and coke bottles were also indestructible and only came in one size for a long time and, you could take them back to the store and get 2 cents for them. hershey bars were 5 cents. gas was 21 cents. cigarettes were about 21 cents also.

if you swallowed something you werent supposed to you were liable to get turned upside down and held by your ankles till you coughed it up. doctors still made house calls. there were milkmen who brought milk to your door and breadmen who did the same with bread and pastries. planes were scarce in the skies and jets even more so and jets were still allowed to make sonic booms. you fixed your own bicycle tires with a patch kit. we took things apart just to see how they worked and put them back together.

clothing was actually sewed when torn. socks were still darned. quilts werent just a hobby and you cut your own christmas tree and decorated it yourself with strings of lights that if one was bad the whole string wouldnt work.

digital was an unknown word.

baseball was king. folks still listened to the radio and not on the internet.

folks still trapped wild game for the pelts and a mink coat was both expensive, prized and a real status symbol. someone throwing blood on it in protest would have been arrested and thrown in jail.

if bullied, one was expected to fight back.

dances still had chaperones. co-ed dorms would have had kids being pulled out of school by their parents. pre-marital sex was a huge scandal and pre-marital pregnancy was liable to get someone shot or married in a hurry.

the biggest jokes of the times were the traveling salesmen jokes. these always involved a farmer's daughter or two.

we always had a 'family night'. everyone went to church on sunday. sunday dinner, after church, was always the biggest and best meal of the week.

there were still door to door salesmen. they'd sell anything from vacumn cleaners to hair brushes.

cub scouts was a big deal. so was little league baseball. folks still went on picnics with little fear of being mugged. everyone had a gun at home. one often learned to drive on the back roads or a field under dad's supervision. and 'leave it to beaver' was not a porn show

disney ruled sunday night television. the mickey mouse club was something everyone wanted to be in. flash gordon and the lone ranger were hit tv shows.

one didnt sass a school teacher or one would find oneself in the principle's office or walking home early with a note for one's parents. there was no 'grading on a curve'. you got what you worked for and you had to show your parents your report card and get it signed.

spanking was allowed in the home and in the schools.

bottled water, other than distilled water for ironing, would never have sold an ounce. oh, and folks ironed. there was no 'wash and wear'.

lol. some of this i'm glad is gone. we have made some improvements here and there, but the respect and discipline we've lost is regretted. i dont go to the movies any more because i always have to fight with the noise makers that think we came to hear them. common courtesy needs to make a comeback too. i love digital, though and the internet (for the most part). ah me, i sound like my parents any more

[palms]

I think a lot of us agree with you Craig, but the thing that gets me is
I am one of the moms who "changed" the rules ( and who now wishes to turn them back )

Palms

[Kraellin]

shld i ask what rules you changed or would i get my face slapped?

[Straight8]

I have had a personal knowledge of the "Power of Women" for a very long time.
I am reluctant to tell you this but I will risk it anyway.
In the late 1960's I was heavily involved with a Woman named Pam and She was a Contortionist.
Our relationship was to say the least -- Fabulous.
So we got engaged and things were Great -- Until she broke It off.
It was so painful and I've never felt like a whole man since.
Just so you know

[Boneappetit]

LOL Gary, that sheep joke is way too funny... I will try one here (sorry in advance for typos.

Ok, Here we have Tom who doesn't like cats at all, but his wife has one at the house... One day Tom decided to get rid of the cat, so he puts the cat in a bag, and went 10 blocks north and left the cat abandoned...

When he came back home, the cat was sitting on the porch looking very relaxed.

The next day, Tom took the cat, went 10 blocks south and another 10 blocks east and left the cat abandoned again...

Again, when he came back home, the cat was there at the porch very relaxed...

By then Tom was really pissed off, and decided to get rid of the cat for sure...

Next day, he took the cat, and went, 10 blocks west, 20 blocks south, 20 blocks east and 20 blocks north, and he thought, finally I got rid of the stupid cat...

One hour later, the telephone at the house rings, it was Tom, he asks his wife; is the cat there? wife says yes he is here, Tom says: Put the danm cat on the phone because I'm lost !!!

[Kraellin]

there were three construction workers sitting eating their bagged lunches and thermos bottle beverages. the first guy strikes up a conversation by asking what is the greatest invention ever made. and he starts off with his own answer. he says, 'i think it's the light bulb. it's cheap, it's lights up the night and has extended the hours of the day and made them more productive.'. so, the next guy says, 'ok, i think it's the computer chip. look at all the stuff that has come about with that! we have computers in everything now and it makes our lives easier and more productive.'. the last guy is kind of quiet, so the first guy asks him, 'what do you think?'. the guy sits there and thinks and looks around and finally chimes in with, 'i think it's the thermos. it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold... how do it know?'.

[CJ Swartz]

Many of us watched a pig herd sheep in the movie, "Babe". Now it's time to watch a dog herd sheep - but not a Collie, Border Collie, Heeler or any of the usual herding breeds. Watch how an English lady herds sheep.

[palms]

Originally Posted by CJ Swartz

Many of us watched a pig herd sheep in the movie, "Babe". Now it's time to watch a dog herd sheep - but not a Collie, Border Collie, Heeler or any of the usual herding breeds. Watch how an English lady herds sheep.

Only in England lol

there is a saying "mad dogs and English men " ! ! !

Palms

[gabbielicious]

Originally Posted by Kraellin

there were three construction workers sitting eating their bagged lunches and thermos bottle beverages. the first guy strikes up a conversation by asking what is the greatest invention ever made. and he starts off with his own answer. he says, 'i think it's the light bulb. it's cheap, it's lights up the night and has extended the hours of the day and made them more productive.'. so, the next guy says, 'ok, i think it's the computer chip. look at all the stuff that has come about with that! we have computers in everything now and it makes our lives easier and more productive.'. the last guy is kind of quiet, so the first guy asks him, 'what do you think?'. the guy sits there and thinks and looks around and finally chimes in with, 'i think it's the thermos. it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold... how do it know?'.

cute story.. heehee..

[Nasturtium]

Heart Warming Holiday Tale

A married couple had been out Christmas shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon. Suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had "disappeared". The somewhat irate spouse called her husband’s cell phone and demanded: "Where the hell are you?"

Husband: "Darling, you remember that jeweler shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said 'Sweetheart, it'll be yours one day'"?

Wife, with a smile, blushing: "Yes I remember that, my Love."



Husband: "Well, I'm in the bar right next to that shop."

[lkroll]

lol; seen variations of this joke before Nancy. Something tells me that the dog house may be waiting for this guy if and when he arrives home.

[Kraellin]

lol, nancy

[CJ Swartz]

Attention Disorder

[palms]

Originally Posted by CJ Swartz

Attention Disorder

lol lol lol lol lol lol now i know what i suffer from ! now where are my glasses ?

Palms

[CJ Swartz]

Originally Posted by palms

lol lol lol lol lol lol now i know what i suffer from ! now where are my glasses ?

Palms

Hopefully they are with mine... No, that can't be - we live on different continents !!

I did recently find a bookmark that I made in 1st grade (it's leather - otherwise it would have dissolved from old age) - I had decided to look for it this year, but wasn't looking for it when I just happened to come across it - while doing something else...

[Janet Petty]

I know where my glasses are; but where in the heck is my cell phone? And no, I can't call the number to find it...grrrr.

Janet

[lkroll]

So that's what you call my problem. lol

Oh you know I'm going to share this one elsewhere.

[CJ Swartz]

Originally Posted by Janet Petty

I know where my glasses are; but where in the heck is my cell phone? And no, I can't call the number to find it...grrrr.

Janet

That's probably one of the few reasons to keep a landline - to find the cellphone when it "walks away" from us. I remember a comic strip from perhaps the 80's showing that sheets of paper "had legs" which explained why we couldn't find a memo we put down on the desk.

Originally Posted by lkroll

So that's what you call my problem. lol

Oh you know I'm going to share this one elsewhere.

Sharing is how it ended up here, and I think it deserves to be shared all over - I'm pretty sure there are folks in India, China, Kuwait, Finland, Bolivia, and other places who are walking into rooms right now wondering "if I am here, what did I plan to do when I got here?"

[CJ Swartz]

Changing the subject back to sheep herding, watch this rabbit herd sheep in Sweden.