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Chuckle for the day (jokes/humorous tales here please) Part II

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  #51  
Old 04-11-2008, 04:20 PM
rondon rondon is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humorous tales here

Hope he does not have his shotgun !!!

Eye-on-Clinton.jpg
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  #52  
Old 07-13-2008, 12:49 PM
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cardmnal cardmnal is offline
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Summer Classes

Summer Classes for Men at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER


REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Friday, August 17th 2008
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
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  #53  
Old 07-13-2008, 09:28 PM
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Craig Walters Craig Walters is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humorous tales here

hehehe, i have no idea what those classes are for, cardmnal ::whistles innocently::
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  #54  
Old 07-16-2008, 06:21 PM
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0lBaldy 0lBaldy is online now
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humorous tales here

I received this in an E-mail just after watching the movie from Swampys' post about a lion (here)

Incredible Story

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen-aged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.
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Last edited by 0lBaldy; 07-16-2008 at 06:27 PM.
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  #55  
Old 07-16-2008, 11:18 PM
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Craig Walters Craig Walters is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humorous tales here

rofl, OB. that one caught me off-guard
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  #56  
Old 10-10-2008, 07:57 PM
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CJ Swartz CJ Swartz is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humorous tales here

Finally. . . an explanation about the upcoming switch to digital from analog tv --


It's short and soooo funny.

Digital Conversion PSA - (YouTube)
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  #57  
Old 10-13-2008, 06:39 PM
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Craig Walters Craig Walters is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humorous tales here

yes, but where's the blinking 12:00, C.J.?
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  #58  
Old 10-19-2008, 02:30 PM
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CJ Swartz CJ Swartz is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humorous tales here

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kraellin View Post
yes, but where's the blinking 12:00, C.J.?
Her VCR won't be delivered until next week, Craig. Then they'll tell her how to copy her Jack Benny VCR tapes to a DVD.

I guess I better transfer my Jack Benny tapes to a DVD pretty soon before the tape rots...
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  #59  
Old 10-19-2008, 07:39 PM
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Craig Walters Craig Walters is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humorous tales here

hehe
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  #60  
Old 08-13-2009, 04:06 PM
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Peter S Peter S is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humorous tales here

Not mega funny but this sign made me smile with its bad English.
(Taken today at a restaurant in Windsor).

Peter
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