Chuckle for the day (jokes/humorous tales here please) Part II

[CJ Swartz]

Kitchen-Floor Conflict Intensifies As Rival House Cats Claim Same Empty Bag

Summerz -- that is a great find! So well written.

[palms1]

That's a great piece Summerz. I have similar wars here but not between two cats, just One hubby, One cat and a empty chair, they always seem to want the same one, and i am rather ashamed to say the cat usually wins ( except when it impedes watching football ) well she does have claws and teeth ! ! ! ! !

Palms

[summerz]

^^ Glad you liked it.
Amazing how the little critters usually get their way lol.

[summerz]

Tea Party
> >
One day, my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my
brother, who is four years older than me. I was maybe one and a half-years-old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken, among other injuries.

Someone had given me a little tea set as a get well gift and it was
one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of tea, which was just water. After several cups of tea and a lot of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

My Mom waited and sure enough, there I came down the hall with a cup
of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up. She then said, "Did it ever
occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the
toilet?"

[CJ Swartz]

Originally Posted by summerz

Tea Party ...

That was such a sweet story, even with the funny ending!

[rondon]

Hope he does not have his shotgun !!!

Eye-on-Clinton.jpg

[cardmnal]

Summer Classes for Men at
THE
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Friday, August 17th 2008
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[Kraellin]

hehehe, i have no idea what those classes are for, cardmnal ::whistles innocently::

[0lBaldy]

I received this in an E-mail just after watching the movie from Swampys' post about a lion (here)

Incredible Story

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen-aged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

[Kraellin]

rofl, OB. that one caught me off-guard

[CJ Swartz]

Finally. . . an explanation about the upcoming switch to digital from analog tv --


It's short and soooo funny.

Digital Conversion PSA - (YouTube)

[Kraellin]

yes, but where's the blinking 12:00, C.J.?

[CJ Swartz]

Originally Posted by Kraellin

yes, but where's the blinking 12:00, C.J.?

Her VCR won't be delivered until next week, Craig. Then they'll tell her how to copy her Jack Benny VCR tapes to a DVD.

I guess I better transfer my Jack Benny tapes to a DVD pretty soon before the tape rots...

[Kraellin]

hehe