giving cats a tablet

[palms]

I found this while looking for tips on giving food/tablets for a poorly cat, thought i would share

HOW TO GIVE A PILL TO A CAT:

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get friend to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.


8. Wrap cat in large towel and get friend to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to friend's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with desert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13. Tie the little b*****d's front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get friend to! drive you to emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:
1. Wrap it in bacon.

original source ( i have edited a few letters in one word ! ! )

[amica999]

Hahaha, like that one! Coincidentally I had to visit the vet a couple of times this week because our cat refused food (!) Those who know me will remember that my cat is old and suffers from diabetic, so I had not a so good feeling about the cause. Anyhow vet discovered that he has an infection under his tongue and maybe we need to fix some teeth, so tomorrow I will have the pleasure to give him some fluid medicine. With the tips from you I feel much more comfortable now

[palms]

Amica we are in mid vet visiting and are having to feed winnie with a syringe at the moment, i think i might be writing my own list soon ! ! !
like yours our cat is old too (17) but after the vet bills so far she is worth her weight in gold ! ! ! ! !

Palms

[Britsdad]

Palms,

Great find!
However, our dog, George, would eat the bacon, then spit out the pill and come for more bacon

John

[amica999]

Originally Posted by palms1

but after the vet bills so far she is worth her weight in gold ! ! ! ! !

Palms

I hear you!

[MiningArt]

I could have used this yesterday, when I gave our cat a new flea collar. :-))

[Veralisa]

Hi Palms, Whoa. For a second I thought you meant giving cats a tablet like, as in, IntuosWacom, etc. Know why? Years ago someone bought me this book as a present,
http://www.freddie-street.com/guide/wcpaint.shtml
At the time I'd had three cats and my home was looking more or less like a Cat Gallery. They made very creative mounds in the litter box.

Anyway, as I read your post I started laughing harder & harder. It's all so true.

Maybe I'll let my pooch Mary push around the stylus on my wacom tablet. Noooo-o-o-o, don't think so.

[palms]

I will have to get my cat the book, as at the moment she is painting my walls, well spattering the walls with cat food ! ! ! !

I sent my sister the post this morning and received a phone call from her crying her eyes out with laughter, she was crying/laughing that much she couldnt speak ! Now that is a first as well

Palms

[Kraellin]

hehehe, i've seen this many times before and it still makes me roll on the floor having owned a cat with a broken leg and a pin stuck within that leg to help it heal, i had the cat-to-eat-pill duty several times with antibiotics for infection. the trick is peanut butter, especially with dogs, but it works on cats, too... well, on my cat back then. cats are smart, so they might have learned about this trick and could be wise to it now, so be careful. you can try it two ways, grind the pill up and mix with a large helping of peanut butter, or, if you're feeling particularly brave, just hide the pill within a glob of the stuff and hope the cat doesnt spit it out oh, and be prepared to use large amounts of peanut butter per pill. 5 pounds per pill shld be about right