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Expert offers "failure theory"

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Old 02-16-2003, 11:15 AM
winwintoo's Avatar
winwintoo winwintoo is offline
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Location: Regina, Saskatchewan
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Expert offers "failure theory"

This was copied from a longarm quilting forum. I don't have the author's name, but I believe he has a firm grip on reality. This explains all our recent troubles - hard drives, images etc., and David, this might just be all the education you need.

(Didn't change anything!) Was it Gremlins or PMS I don't know....
>Definitely the Gremlins!! No doubt about it.

Well, maybe, but you need to know the color of the gremlin. I have
studied gremlin theory for two decades now and frankly, I'm not whelmed
with it. There is a terrific lack of specificity and technical rational
to back up gremlin theory. The physics of gremlin theory have come into
question. However, we do need a theory to explain what happens when
things break, and since things do that, I will offer up an alternate
failure theory based on 33 years of engineering experience, the last 7
of which have been devoted to quite a few failure investigations.

Its well known that all electrical equipment runs on smoke. Mechanical
equipment runs on noise. Electro mechanical equipment, like embroidery
machines, runs on both smoke and noise. The smoke and noise are
installed at the factory, and are intended to be a life time supply,
although usually the manufacturer installs a little extra noise - but
never any extra smoke (EPA rules doncha know). One can get an extended
warranty against leaks in the smoke and noise gaskets, but for some
unfortunate reason such a warranty doesn't seem to be available for the

Usually, as long as no smoke escapes (there is no practical way to put
it back), and only a little noise, the machine will be fine with just
adjustments. Replacing escaped smoke is usually more expensive and
takes longer than replacing a little bit of escaped noise because
replacing escaped smoke requires new parts, and there is usually a bit
of extra noise factory installed in the parts as noted above - and with
the current environmental rules, the installation of smoke into new
parts at the factory has gotten very expensive.

Machinery is in trouble if it starts leaking noise. If a lot of noise
leaks out, it takes exponentially longer (the product of increasing
noise volume and duration raised to the third power, usually) to repair
and becomes proportionately more costly to fix. At some point the parts
run out of noise, the machine stops for lack of noise power, and usually
requires replenishment of noise with new parts since escaped noise can
not be put back either. This theory, you will have noted, is totally
consistent with failed machines being silent. They have run out of
noise and won't work properly again until new parts full of noise are

It can get similarly quiet if it runs out of smoke. However, you can
almost always tell if it was noise or smoke depletion that caused the

Noise doesn't smell.

take care, Margaret
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Old 02-16-2003, 02:23 PM
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Ed_L Ed_L is offline
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Finally! Something I can understand.

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Old 02-17-2003, 04:08 PM
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CJ Swartz CJ Swartz is offline
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Location: Metro Phoenix area, Arizona
Posts: 3,345
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... "This theory, you will have noted, is totally consistent with failed machines being silent. They have run out of noise and won't work properly again until new parts full of noise are installed."

Makes a lot of sense to me!
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Old 02-17-2003, 06:53 PM
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d_kendal d_kendal is offline
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Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 829
that's hilarious, thanks for posting that margaret!! wow, I never knew repair was so easy.. if my computer stops working, all I have to do is go into the shop to get a refill of smoke and noise

- David
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