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#331
01-12-2006, 04:57 AM
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#332
01-12-2006, 07:25 PM
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| Ice Fishing A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the nearest frozen body of water. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly--from the sky--a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" The blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!" She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?" The voice replied, "No, this is the manager of the ice rink!" |
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#334
01-14-2006, 01:24 PM
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| Guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it. Caution! These people Vote ======= While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was North because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, (and has for sometime), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff"... She ALSO votes! ========== I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" He ALSO votes! =========== My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk. .. My sister ALSO votes! ========== My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount... He ALSO votes! ========== I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned... My friend ALSO votes! ========= I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?". . SHE ALSO votes! |
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#336
01-14-2006, 05:45 PM
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| I have a friend who is a cop. He actually did the fridge thig only with an old ugly desk. No one would cart it away when it was free so he put it back into his garage for a week or so and then back out with a for sale sign on it and it was gone in the morning. The guy who lived across the street came over first thing in the morning and informed him that it had been stolen...... If you are in business, you need to remember things like this when you are dreaming up some kind of "free" offer or special, like "buy 2 for full price, get the 3rd for double". |
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#337
01-14-2006, 06:18 PM
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| I just remembered a time - I'm not blond, never have been - I was grocery shopping and saw that cantalolpes were 25¢ each. This was years ago. I thought that was too expensive. The next week, they were 3 for a dollar and that sounded better so I bought some. One of the MANY things my late husband would never let me forget.  Margaret |
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#338
02-14-2006, 06:04 PM
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| St. Valentine's Day Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. Since Valentine's Day is named after a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine? Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden ?", her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines can kill the s.o.b." |
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#339
02-14-2006, 06:39 PM
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| Give it a try Count the "F's" in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... (see below) Managed it ? Scroll down only after you have counted them, okay? How many did you count? 3 ? Wrong, there are 6 !!--no joke. Read it again. The reasoning behind it is further down. The brain cannot process "OF". Incredible or what ? Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on thefirst go is a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare. Send this to your friends-it drives them crazy |
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#342
02-15-2006, 10:03 AM
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| I got 12, but then I didn't have my glasses on. |
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#343
03-05-2006, 01:04 PM
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| Clinton Library Official Portrait For those unable to visit the recently opened library, here's a look at the Official Portrait, posted as an example of crafty digital manipulation.  |
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#344
03-05-2006, 02:12 PM
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| Ed, had my reading glasses on ... read the sentence twice just to make sure ... still saw only 3 Fs .... Oh, well, at least I can consider myself 'normal' ... ( ... and sometimes I have doubts even on that though ...  ) ....Danny,  |
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#346
03-05-2006, 08:27 PM
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| WTG Danny. If we keep the Clinton's errors in judgment in the forefront maybe we won't be seeing the Clinton name on any national ballots in the future. Janet |
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#347
03-06-2006, 06:28 AM
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| Quote:
 When it comes down to it, if as a US president, the worst thing that the public remembers about you is an affair with an intern + associated coverup then you're not doing too badly. |
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#348
03-07-2006, 10:36 AM
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| Quote:
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#349
03-07-2006, 10:40 AM
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| Dog Philosophy A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. -M. Acklam If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. -Phil Pastoret |
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#351
03-25-2006, 02:58 PM
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| Ed -- Dog runs for mayor of Williams, AZ Quote:
Dog fails to win write-in campaign for mayor Associated Press Mar. 16, 2006 02:05 PM "FLAGSTAFF - A dog named Buff and several other write-in candidates managed to scratch out 24 percent of the vote in the mayor's race in Williams. Buff, who ran on a platform of friendliness and honesty, was beat out by the only candidate on the actual ballot, sitting Mayor Ken Edes. Edes pulled in 76 percent of the vote to win. Supporters of Buff and other write-in candidates - individual tallies weren't done because none had filed formal paperwork to seek office - said the results showed that controversy that has gripped the town's government has people looking to change..." |
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#352
03-26-2006, 02:26 AM
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| "Only in America"  |
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#354
06-07-2006, 12:08 PM
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| What your kids might be doing -- right now... |
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#355
06-07-2006, 01:01 PM
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| Speaking of Google, try googling the word FAILURE, and note the top entry. http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=Fai...en-US:official  |
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#357
06-07-2006, 03:23 PM
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| Blonde Star |
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#358
07-09-2006, 12:15 PM
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| Swamp Soccer The World Cup is over, so now you can turn your attention to Swamp Soccer -- http://www.myrarbolti.com/ Now in the U.K. -- http://www.swampsoccer.co.uk/ I'll skip the swamp soccer -- I'm heading for some chocolate -- "Singapore's biggest chocolate bar was displayed at Plaza Singapura on 3 July 2006 together with the biggest chocolate montage. Made by Nestle Singapore and weighing 2.668 tonnes, it is being submitted to Guinness to be confirmed as the world's largest chocolate bar." Last edited by CJ Swartz; 07-09-2006 at 12:23 PM. |
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#359
07-14-2006, 04:42 PM
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#360
08-09-2006, 01:24 AM
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