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Salon Just hanging around...
(Social area, where non-retouching talk is encouraged)

Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

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  #151  
Old 03-30-2003, 06:26 PM
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ravenmd ravenmd is offline
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Visual Eyes... personally I thought it was a welcome bit of levity.


Jeanmilden1:

Good.. you pointed out to the rest of us this is not the place for political commentary... now that you slid YOUR opinion in.

Quote:
Originally posted by Jeanmilden1
Visual Eyes, Wars are ugly - war liberated slavery, war ended Hitler, etc. - This forum is not the place to discuss war . We have the freedom to go to other websites that encourage these discussions - thank God we have this freedom.
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  #152  
Old 03-30-2003, 07:29 PM
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We generally don't respond to the jokes/interesting stories in this thread; we leave it as a long list of things that different people find humorous.

It might be best to continue that practice rather than adding positive or negative comments after the post -- it just interferes with the flow. I PM'ed VisualEyes to let him know my opinion of the piece.
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  #153  
Old 03-30-2003, 07:47 PM
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VisualEyes VisualEyes is offline
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First, let me state LOUDLY that I'm sorry if my last post offended anyone, it certainly wasn't meant to. I thought I was passing along a bit of political humor in a "social area, where non-retouching talk is encouraged". Apparently I exercised poor judgement.

Yes, war is ugly - I don't recall saying anything to the contrary. Obviously, war is also controversial, incendiary, and a very touchy subject. Opinions/thoughts of any sway are apparently best kept silent if one doesn't wish to get flamed.

At the risk of further offense though, I have to say that I'm really confused about the rules about what's OK and what's not-OK humor-wise around here. In this thread alone these are apparently OK and funny:

Politics:
Quote:
The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
Religion:
Quote:
"But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe."
Gender bashing:
Quote:
"Have you noticed anything fishy about the inspection teams who have arrived in Iraq? They're all men!"
Terrorism:
Quote:
"Terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits."
My post on the other hand rates a "Not funny". I can live with that. Humor is a personal guage. Just please be fair with how you measure it.

Thanks for your attention and hospitality.
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  #154  
Old 03-30-2003, 08:15 PM
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Different strokes for different folks -- I thought it was great, VisualEyes!


Now, back to plain old uncontroversial humor:

____________
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."
____________

P.S. I can say that -- I'm a graduate.
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  #155  
Old 04-06-2003, 05:27 PM
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Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office pondering the progress of the war
when his telephone rang.
"Hello, Mr. Hussein!", a voice said, with a heavy brogue. "This is Paddy O'Toole down at the Harp Pub in County Mayo, Ireland. I'm ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Paddy, after a moments calculation, "there's meself, me brother Sean, me next door neighbor Liam, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Saddam paused, "I must tell you Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Sweet Jaysus!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again.
"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We've managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and a Murphy's farm tractor."

Saddam sighed.
"I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day.
"Mr. Hussein, the war is still on!" We've managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's Piper Cub with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four of the lads from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute, and then cleared his throat.
"I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And, since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two million!

"Jaysus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to call you back."


Sure enough, Paddy called the next day.
"Top o' the mornin', Mr. Hussein! I'm sorry to tell you that we've had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Paddy, "Meself and the lads had a long chat over a couple of pints, and we've decided there's no way in the divil we can afford to feed two million prisoners."
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  #156  
Old 04-07-2003, 01:54 PM
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Crossing the river....

My appologies to my male friends....

One day, Three Men were Hiking and unexpectedly came upon a Large Raging, Violent River. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the River in about Two Hours, after Almost Drowning a couple of times.

Seeing this, the Second Man Prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the Strength and the Tools to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a Rowboat and he was able to Row across the River in about an Hour, after almost Capsizing the Boat a couple of times.

The Third Man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the Strength and the tools...and the Intelligence... to Cross this River." And Poof! God turned him into a woman. She Looked at the Map, Hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

Margaret
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  #157  
Old 04-07-2003, 03:27 PM
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Margaret,



...oh, I almost forgot--my apologies to the guys also.
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  #158  
Old 04-07-2003, 06:05 PM
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All eight of Saddam Hussein's body doubles were gathered in a bunker in downtown Baghdad. Tariq Aziz, the Deputy Prime Minister, walked in and said, "I've got good news and bad news."

"The good news is that Saddam is still alive, so you all still have jobs."

One of the doubles spoke up and said, "what's the bad news"?

"He's lost an arm."


This was originally posted before the news came that our military might have bombed Saddam's location.

Last edited by CJ Swartz; 04-08-2003 at 12:51 AM.
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  #159  
Old 04-07-2003, 07:36 PM
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Re: Crossing the river....

Quote:
Originally posted by winwintoo
My appologies to my male friends....
Do you HAVE any male friends, Margaret?
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  #160  
Old 04-07-2003, 07:43 PM
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BK Ouch!! Well I thought I did

Margaret
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