[Doug Nelson]

A couple of good ol' boys are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, and then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "Okay, now what?"

[Sanda]

that's so funny.

[Jakaleena]

Ewwwww, Ron!

So, I guess that getting a lump of coal for Christmas just really means that Santa isn't getting enought fiber....

[Jakaleena]

(The following ad in "The Atlanta Journal" is reported to have
gotten numerous calls.....)


SINGLE BLACK FEMALE... Seeks male companionship,
ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to
play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck,
hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the
right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you
get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.
Kiss me and I'm yours.
Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy."




Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Local Humane
Society about an eight-week-old black LABRADOR retriever.....

[rondon]

a maine logger was twitching out some logs one Day when his horse died..
so he drove into town to acquire about another,,
he was directed to A french man's farm.... as he turned up the lane he noticed this handsome horse that looked like one of the clydesdales...
when he found the frenchman he asked if he had a workhorse.. "oui ... just one .. zat one near zee road "...
"well how much is that one " the logger asked
"50 dolar" replied the frenchman
"wow thats pretty cheap " "whats wrong with him" ?
"well he no look so good" replied frenchy

well the logger knew a thing or two about horses and that horse look wonderful to him so he bought it....

next day he hitched the horse to some logs... reached up and slapped it on the butt .. and the horse took off....
boink... right into a tree..
so he straightened it out slapped it again and boink... right into another tree...

so he went back to the french man and said " whats wrong with that horse you sold me?" " he keeps running into trees ? "

replied frency " Oui ! like I say ... he no look so good"

[DJ Dubovsky]

Jak
Ed L had sent me that one in an e-mail recently and at first I was shocked Ed was sending such a racey joke until the last line. I think that is so cute. It just has to be true.
DJ

[Ed_L]

Nobody told a blonde joke yet, so here goes. The CIA was looking for a woman to work as a hit man (okay, hit woman). Three women applied for the job, and they were told that their husbands were tied to a chair in a locked room. If they were to get the job, they had to go in the room alone with their husband, and kill him. They were given a revolver, and they entered the room, one at a time. The first woman was in there for a short while, when the door opened and she came out. "I just couldn't do it" she said. She was told she was too soft for the job to be hired. The second woman followed, and again after a short while, she came out saying that she couldn't do it either. The blonde was next. She entered the room. From outside the room, loud noises could be heard, then finally nothing. She came out, and said "Somebody put blanks in this gun. I had to beat him to death with the other chair".

Ed

[Blacknight]

Why was the blonde so happy when she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only a week?

The box said 5-7 years.

[jeaniesa]

Originally posted by Blacknight
The box said 5-7 years.

-Jeanie (yes, I'm still reading this thread - these jokes are great. )

[Jakaleena]

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six
again," she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they
went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the
park: the Death Slide, the Screaming loop, the Wall of Fear -everything
there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her
head reeling and her stomach upside down.
Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Big Mac
along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie - the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs,
popcorn, Pepsi Cola and M&Ms.
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned
over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye slowly opened, and then the wife said, "You idiot, I meant my dress
size."
The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he's still gonna
get it wrong.

(I was tempted to post this in Ed's "Women!" thread.... )

[rondon]

cute Jak...

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back ?

[jeaniesa]

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back ?

A stick.

Jeanie

[rondon]

too fast!!! so right

[Ed_L]

Jak said ""I'd love to be six again". What she meant was that she'd like to be a *size* six again. Women simply do not mean what they say. No further comments from the defense! Case closed!!

Ed

[Jakaleena]

Touché Ed...