Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

[Gary Richardson]

My problems not being out in the sticks, its getting a good line to the local exchange, which is all of 800 yards away.

The next village along which is only 2 miles away, has cable and everything.

[Mike]

Originally Posted by rondon

not only phone but the lines into town have problems.

two things in the news give me hope that someday things will improve..

they made it legal to use powerlines in the US..

The power line idea is good also.. It works so well and cheaply that you have to wonder why it wasn't done before. The answer is the HAM operators claimed it would disrupt them.. it's been found it is not so.. Imagine all the cable lines that weren't needed?

The power line thing is catching on in some parts but I don't know if our little electrical co-op will invest the money in tech.

Can you give me some refernces to this???

Thanks, Mike

[Gary Richardson]

Got this in an e-mail yesterday, thought I'd share.

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound"
that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of
course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.



Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?



Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.



One student, however, wrote the following:



First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.



As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there
is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.



With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature
and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.



This gives two possibilities:



1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.



2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.



So which is it?



If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over.



The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows
that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving
only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains
why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."



THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A

[CJ Swartz]

Originally Posted by Gary Richardson

Got this in an e-mail yesterday, thought I'd share.

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of
Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound"
that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of
course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?

[TylerRB]

Gary

Thanks for that one! Perfect timing to a pretty dull day.....

Tyler

[CJ Swartz]

http://www.funny-games.biz/videos/10...mmercials.html

Hopefully this will work for anyone who wants to view it. Mature audience only.

[RichardBrackin]

I guess you heard a blimp went down in Florida and crash landed near a Red Lobster.
Nobody got hurt but there's some speculation as to the frantic action the cockpit voice recorder picked up from the crew.
Of particular interest is the 14 seconds that passed following the BRACE BRACE BRACE command

(Crazy_Canuck)
I can just hear the voice recorder now.

15:19:30 Woa, what the heck.......
15:20:32 Hang on to the s.o.b.
15:20:40 I cant hold her...were going down...we got 10ft
15:21:12 Drop ballast, full power.....cmon on baby...9ft
15:23:41 Dangit were still goin down...8ft
15:23:58 7 ft
15:24: 21 6 ft...cmon baby
15:24:33 Florida center this is GY Pan Pan Pan, we are at 5ft and unable to maintain altitude
15:24:44 Whats wrong with her? 4 ft
15:24:49 uninteligable
15:25:04 Florida center, gy mayday mayday mayday, ....at...uh..we have 3 ft...were goin in
15:25:24 watch out for the curb bill, hang on...2 ft
15:25:37 1 ft BRACE BRACE BRACE
15:25 51 -Sound of impact
15:25:55 You OK Bill?
15:25:57 Ya, i think i spilled my coffee though
15:26:03 All the shrimp you can eat for $4.99, wow.
END OF RECORDING
-

[CJ Swartz]

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.


Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

[winwintoo]

Thank you CJ - that made my day!!

Take care, Margaret

[CJ Swartz]

Originally Posted by winwintoo

...- that made my day!!

Take care, Margaret

Margaret, always GLAD to make you glad! Was it the fly story or the Room 808 (two posts above the fly story)? Just checking to see what works best to post here in the future -- to keep you amused!

[winwintoo]

Both!!

The Room 808 was priceless and I'm still laughing about that one, but I got a kick out of the flyswatter one too and passed that on to Mom. There are so few jokes that I feel I can share with Mom

Take care, Margaret

[CJ Swartz]

Perhaps not for mom...

http://www.fun-movie.com/displayimag...cat=0&pos=-105

[Kraellin]

gary,

you shld check out satellite internet connections. i had it for a few years before dsl moved in. it's actually faster on the downlink side than dsl or cable. the uplink is little better than 56k, but the downlink side is screaming fast. the maximum downlink speed is roughly 5000 megabits per second. the price is more expensive than dsl or cable. i was paying around $70 a month, but it was worth it for all the downloading i used to do. i once downloading a 100 megabyte file in about 4 minutes. i think directv is currently the provider that bought out my old company, pegasus. so, you could contact them and find out.

you may also have a wireless provider in the area. those can be pretty good also. i had one for a few months. it was ok. not as good as the dsl i currently have, but ok.

Craig

[Gary Richardson]

Craig, thanks, worth thinking about certainly.

[Peter S]

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. One day
they met up and discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly
mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how
Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well
any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It
took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama
just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, the mother sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she
wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room,
but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I
am too old to travel any more. I spend most of the time at home, so I
rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald,"
she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your
mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"