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Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

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  #231  
Old 01-14-2004, 10:32 AM
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winwintoo winwintoo is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Regina, Saskatchewan
Posts: 942
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident, it's a bad one. Both
of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man; that's
interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left,
but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should
meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!"

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.
My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good
fortune. Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the
bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands
it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

Moral of the story:

Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Margaret
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  #232  
Old 01-14-2004, 11:52 AM
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CJ Swartz CJ Swartz is offline
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I sure didn't see that one coming!
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  #233  
Old 01-17-2004, 11:43 AM
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CJ Swartz CJ Swartz is offline
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An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class.

"How did that happen?" gasped her mother.

"It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but three girls helped me catch him."
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  #234  
Old 01-18-2004, 06:03 PM
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CJ Swartz CJ Swartz is offline
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When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy businessman learned the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature."

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!"

She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."

http://www.gotlaughs.com/funpages/nurse.cfm
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  #235  
Old 01-23-2004, 05:24 PM
rondon rondon is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: north central florida
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nasa alert

Have you seen this rover ?

good laugh for my nurse friend CJ
Attached Images
File Type: jpg spirit_call_home.jpg (89.4 KB, 53 views)

Last edited by rondon; 01-23-2004 at 06:47 PM.
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  #236  
Old 01-29-2004, 09:06 PM
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Ed_L Ed_L is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: northwest Indiana, about 45 minutes from Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,824
A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket,
and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that
department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.

The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the
matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some
***hole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his
sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him,
so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the
other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the
way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We
like people who think on their feet here.
"Where are you from, son?"

"Texas, sir," the boy replied.

"Well, why did you leave Texas?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing down there but
whores and football players ."

"Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Texas."

"No kidding?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
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  #237  
Old 01-29-2004, 09:22 PM
rondon rondon is offline
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haha

haha Ed... cool hand there
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  #238  
Old 01-30-2004, 07:39 AM
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winwintoo winwintoo is offline
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Location: Regina, Saskatchewan
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As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She
jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the
door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name
is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the
truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never
spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and
you are losing some of your load!"

Shaking his head the trucker ignores her again and continues
down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens
again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs
up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window.
Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing
some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to
the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out
of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her
window, and as she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Joe,
it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!
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  #239  
Old 01-30-2004, 08:47 AM
rondon rondon is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: north central florida
Posts: 470
speaking of truckers

As the dentist bends over to Probe into a truckers mouth he feels a hand slide under his smock and grasp His testicles ...

The trucker looks in his eyes and say's "now we wouldn't want to do anything to hurt each other ... would we" ?

RonDon
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  #240  
Old 01-31-2004, 10:01 AM
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CJ Swartz CJ Swartz is offline
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Location: Metro Phoenix area, Arizona
Posts: 3,345
Blog Entries: 19
Super Bowl Sunday

Margaret -
Ron -

Here's one for tomorrow's Super Bowl --



A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company.
Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in
the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the Goodyear
Blimp than the field.

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices an empty seat 10 rows
off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and
makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the
empty seat.

As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is
anyone sitting here?" The man says no. Now, very excited to be in such a
great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This
is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the
Super Bowl and not use it?

The man replies, "Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to
come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we
haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone
to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?"

"No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."


--------------

Last edited by CJ Swartz; 01-31-2004 at 10:09 AM.
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