[CJ Swartz]

Originally Posted by Peter S

I need a bigger screen now.

you just pushed the sides off of this one.

Has anyone got any sticky tape handy????????

Peter

Gary -- Yes, I can read that WITHOUT my glasses!

Peter, so sorry about breaking your monitor -- I hope you found the tape (or velcro) to patch it together.

[Gary Richardson]

Originally Posted by Peter S

I need a bigger screen now.

you just pushed the sides off of this one.

Has anyone got any sticky tape handy????????

Peter

Gary -- Yes, I can read that WITHOUT my glasses!

I can't! that's why I do most of my retouches using my Braile interface. (Called Microsoft White Stick)

[Peter S]

I can't!

Not so loud I need new speakers now.
Where's that cotton wool??????????

[DannyRaphael]

...and photo editing skills.

------------------------------------

Note: This is not a "political statemenet" by me. I could not care less. The intent was to share a humourous idea. Copy/paste in your own victim.

[Gary Richardson]

Didn't get that one at first Danny, but I'm now ROFLMAO.

[NancyJ]

One for the ladies - (nsfw)
http://www.icelolly.tv/show.php?vid=V39

Guy strips in a supermarket - compression is a killer but still funny.

[Gary Richardson]

For the terminally paranoid (like me), who want a tinfoil hat but don't want something plain, here's a site with some stylish offerings.

http://www.ericisgreat.com/tinfoilhats/index.html

[Kraellin]

i like the fine print on the last one, gary

[Gary Richardson]

Which is your favourite? I think mine's the Fez, it goes so well with my Turkish slippers and velvet Smoking Jacket. (If it's good enough for Tommy Cooper it's good enough for me!)

Course I'd have to paint it red, don't want people to think I'm barking.

[CJ Swartz]

Originally Posted by Gary Richardson

... mine's the Fez, it goes so well with my Turkish slippers and velvet Smoking Jacket.
Course I'd have to paint it red, don't want people to think I'm barking.

I'm sitting here, gathering this mental image of you, based on your descriptions...

[Trimoon]

Please read
below:


Company Policy:

Effective from
January 2005


Dress Code

It is advised that
you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you
wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing
well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress
poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy
nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress
just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do
not need a raise.



Sick Days

We will no longer
accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to
go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.




Personal Days

Each employee will
receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday &
Sunday.




Bereavement
Leave


This is no excuse
for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends,
relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
hour and subsequently leave one hour early.




Toilet Use

Entirely too much
time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute
time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open,
and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture
will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic
Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.




Lunch Break

Skinny people get
30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look
healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced
meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for
lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.




Thank you for your
loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment
experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.


The Management

[Kraellin]

i think i worked there once, steve

[Gary Richardson]

I know I've worked there Craig.

I'm sitting here, gathering this mental image of you, based on your descriptions...

Did I mention I smoke a Meerschaum pipe and wear a pair of fluorescent deeley boppers with the tinfoil Fez.

[Kraellin]

that's quite a picture, gary

[Gary Richardson]

Originally Posted by Kraellin

that's quite a picture, gary

Perfectly normal dress where I come from. (He says fighting off the man in the white coat).