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Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

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  #381  
Old 11-21-2006, 08:24 AM
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NancyJ NancyJ is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

One for the ladies - (nsfw)
http://www.icelolly.tv/show.php?vid=V39

Guy strips in a supermarket - compression is a killer but still funny.
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  #382  
Old 11-23-2006, 03:10 AM
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

For the terminally paranoid (like me), who want a tinfoil hat but don't want something plain, here's a site with some stylish offerings.

http://www.ericisgreat.com/tinfoilhats/index.html
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  #383  
Old 11-23-2006, 07:17 AM
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

i like the fine print on the last one, gary
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  #384  
Old 11-23-2006, 07:50 AM
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

Which is your favourite? I think mine's the Fez, it goes so well with my Turkish slippers and velvet Smoking Jacket. (If it's good enough for Tommy Cooper it's good enough for me!)

Course I'd have to paint it red, don't want people to think I'm barking.
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  #385  
Old 11-23-2006, 10:06 AM
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gary Richardson
... mine's the Fez, it goes so well with my Turkish slippers and velvet Smoking Jacket.
Course I'd have to paint it red, don't want people to think I'm barking.

I'm sitting here, gathering this mental image of you, based on your descriptions...
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  #386  
Old 11-23-2006, 10:08 AM
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

Please read
below:


Company Policy:

Effective from
January 2005


Dress Code

It is advised that
you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you
wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing
well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress
poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy
nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress
just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do
not need a raise.



Sick Days

We will no longer
accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to
go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.




Personal Days

Each employee will
receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday &
Sunday.




Bereavement
Leave


This is no excuse
for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends,
relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
hour and subsequently leave one hour early.




Toilet Use

Entirely too much
time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute
time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open,
and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture
will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic
Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.




Lunch Break

Skinny people get
30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look
healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced
meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for
lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.




Thank you for your
loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment
experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be
directed elsewhere.


The Management
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  #387  
Old 11-23-2006, 10:16 AM
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Craig Walters Craig Walters is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

i think i worked there once, steve
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  #388  
Old 11-23-2006, 02:53 PM
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Gary Richardson Gary Richardson is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

I know I've worked there Craig.

Quote:
I'm sitting here, gathering this mental image of you, based on your descriptions...
Did I mention I smoke a Meerschaum pipe and wear a pair of fluorescent deeley boppers with the tinfoil Fez.
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  #389  
Old 11-23-2006, 04:37 PM
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Craig Walters Craig Walters is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

that's quite a picture, gary
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  #390  
Old 11-23-2006, 05:31 PM
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Gary Richardson Gary Richardson is offline
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Re: Chuckle for the day (jokes/humourous tales here please)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kraellin
that's quite a picture, gary
Perfectly normal dress where I come from. (He says fighting off the man in the white coat).
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