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This is my first Critique. I have been practicing retouching .. this is my 5th one that i have done credit for photo and model goes to YandS Photography
I don't know much about retouching. But I do adjust my own photo's (and restore old ones) so I have some understanding of colour and contrast.
The original photo has (I think) a deliberate style. It has a soft focus, little depth and a 'warming filter' has been applied. In technical terms, it's not very sharp and it has an orange colour cast
In the retouched photo the colour cast has gone from orange (warm) to blue (cold). This gives the woman's skin and hair more colour contrast against the background. But bluish pillows/furniture look strange. People expect them to be colored, white or off-white. For off-white, people usually choose a warmer tint. The blue cast is visible in the reflections on her skin, especially on her left shoulder.
I suggest you adjust the white balance from the pillows/furniture, perhaps warming slightly.
My feeling is that you might use a lighter touch on her face. The degree of darkening in her hair, eyes, eyelashes and the whitening of the whites of her eyes all combine to make her face 'harder' and less natural than the original. There's a bit too much contrast for my taste. Less contrast (for example hair, eyebrows) would make her face look softer. I like the 'blush' on her cheeks: this does give her face more depth.
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