How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf?

[Merrit]

Ok, so I'm figuring that since I'm not the only one in the world that spends hours doing exciting (yet boring to others) things like D&B for hours, somebody in here can give me some advice on relationships.

My wife of 27 years actually left me for the reason that I was such an extremist, staying up all hours of the night, and that she could not take it anymore. (I thought it was a dumb excuse, but whatever.)

So, now I wonder if it's even possible to have a normal relationship when I want to devote so much of my time and attention to the study and practice of retouching.
I would like to hear from others how you balance a relationship, or if you just find it much simpler to be single?
I struggle with wanting to be in a relationship, but also feeling pretty blessed to have more time to edit.

Thought? Help?

thanks,
Merrit

[skoobey]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

Hahaha, great question.

Actually, incidentally, I haven't had a relationship since I got involved in photography, and when I added retouching on top of that... yeah.

This is why I was looking to find someone who is doing the same stuff I do, and finally I did couple months back, but then I was so upset that we couldn't see each other more often, that I broke the arrangement.

People are bastards anyway, who needs them, we got images!

I am dead seriuos, btw.

[Merrit]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

Thanks, Skoobey!
It's nice to be able to connect with people of like passion and hear their pov on the matter.
I have often thought perhaps I just need someone who loves to edit for hours and shoot also. But then I recall going on a shoot with another lady, and she was so controlling in the shoot that I didn't enjoy it at all. lol

I am really curious how many people are like us, skoobey. I'm wondering if the majority of us have to remain single to do what we love.

Thanks for your reply and thoughts.

[woofw]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

My retouching, editing is like a drug. It often comes first before socializing, house work and even sometimes I forget to eat. Often I have to make myself go for a long walks because sitting on the chair for hours gives me lower back pain...... when I'm at it, I'm in my own world without any thoughts of my surroundings and time has no significance.

[skoobey]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

You don't have to remain single. There is always balance to be struck, but at the same time, paradox is that the only ones that can understand your devotion to art, are other artists, who are also busy. So if you didn't have time to devote yourself to a 9-5 person, imagine two 12hour shifters that are also traveling trying to adjust their schedules.

[Merrit]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

haha, Woofw, I can totally relate to that one. I have to make myself get up and do things too. I'm like, "Ok, after I finish this part, I've gotta do the dishes, then I can get back to it." lol
Thanks for your reply.

[Merrit]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

that would be very difficult, skoobey. I'm leaning towards forsaking the pleasures of a woman and just staying simple for the mission. lol

[Aladdin]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

@Merrit: I have the same exact issue with my wife of soooo many years, the sad thing is, she did not leave me yet

I do retouch, portrait and boudoir, she keeps coming to my office "What the hell are you doing? adoring this BITCH day and night looking at her face?

Or, she would go: The only thing you do around the house is watching naked women day and night!

Try to explain micro D&B to the wife when it is done on someone's boobs!

@woofw: Retouch saved my life, Period! it is better than drugs, it is the most potent drug ever! I love it.

[Merrit]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

Aladdin,
Ha ha! I knew I wasn't the only one with mate problems concerning our retouching life.
If you're like me, you feel (felt) guilty everytime you get on the computer. By the time things were at the end, I had actually quit editing and photography all together. I was willing to sacrifice whatever I needed to in order to make my wife happy, but it didn't work. And so, I honestly believe the good Lord took her out of my life, and gave me complete freedom to do what I love!

My fleshly response to your situation is to say, "My friend, it's time to move on and be at peace!" lol
However, that higher part of me would ask if it's possible for you to perhaps change directions a bit in your editing? I know a spouse can become quite self-conscious, especially when they are in their 40s or 50s and see the perfect 20 somethings that we work on (or at least they look pretty darn close to perfect when we are done! lol)
Perhaps you can see if there's some middle ground she'd be happy with. Maybe not full blown nudes, or really sexy underwear... I don't know.
Or... you just need to get really efficient at switching screens when she walks in! haha
Anyway, thanks alot for the connection, Aladdin.

[franko60]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

Has anyone here heard of "work, life balance'?

[Mike Needham]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

It's a thing unemployed people have

[Merrit]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

Frank,
I have this belief that those who throw their whole heart into something rise to the top of the game. We, the obsessed, have a wonderful gift (though it may not look like that to others), and that gift is to be able to sacrifice everything for the mission. I would only add that as long as we keep God on the throne in our lives, we should full well do what we do to the max!

Funny thing is, my sign is Libra. haha

[skoobey]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

It's a thing unemployed people have

Exactly. I'm on a mission here.

And so many friends are taking these month or more long vacations. I'm wondering, did you fulfill your goals for this year? No, so what the F are you vacating from 2 months a year + doing absolutely nothing on the weekends.

Noone is going to offer you life on a gold platter, you have to earn it. Everyone has a limit as far as their success, but at least try to get close to that limit.

[plugsnpixels]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

Very interesting topic! I think photographers would have this problem as well, and artists, musicians, in fact anybody with a strong interest in a craft or who runs their own business.

Balance is the secret, but it's so difficult to achieve because of necessity or obsession.

[klev]

Re: How can I be a devoted retoucher and have a gf

You think retouching is time consuming? Whatever you do don't get into graphics programming.